the resistance to letting people in
If ever you knock on my door, know that I heard your calls and felt your presence. You might assume that I wasn’t interested in welcoming you. But my decision to make space for myself is my top priority. It is not an act of selfishness, for choosing myself should be picked firsthand before selecting other’s welfare. My decision to exist in peace matters more.
To me, with peace, I matter more.
My resistance to letting you in doesn’t necessarily mean I am not interested in knowing you. My resistance is speaking on behalf of those sacrifices I made just to be back on track with a wiser and better narrative.
I forbid myself from the risks that will send me to the dungeon of pain. I often resisted letting you in because I resisted the pain you might bring.
If the price I have to pay to gain peace of mind will be so high, I don’t mind. I don’t mind cutting off people, losing connections with them, or not knowing them at all. Besides, the true ones will stick no matter how far I’ve sailed, for they are willingly waiting for me to go back to the shoreline.
If you’re at my doorstep, you possibly heard something about me. If you’re still standing there, patiently waiting as you dearly hold a portion of me, maybe one day, I’ll welcome you and reserve a space just for you.
But if you choose to put down what you hold, I fully understand if you walk away. As much as I want to unlock the doors for you today, I still forbid myself.
