she finally got her own fig tree
Would you believe me if I said I used to leave my fig tree empty? If you know what spaces make me safe, you would know what I would put on the biggest fig in the tree. Something that makes me alive, something that I have but cannot hold simultaneously. If you look closer at my hands, you will see how much I tighten my grip on the trunk, not the branches that bear the figs. Who would recognize a rotten fruit in the first place?
I watched the biggest fig fall from the tree for not being chosen. I watched it roll down the ground because I was told that there was something better. While I was hoping for something bigger, I was left with smaller ones that they assumed were superior. But you know what? I should’ve known better.
Time had passed and the rotten fig they once discarded, its seeds slowly germinated. Who would have known? Who would have known that I could freely decorate a fig tree of mine?
Easy wasn’t in the vocabulary so it was hard to cage these fast-paced heartbeats. It was hard to suppress the excitement for every progress and the way I wanted to show them the baskets filled with fruits of my patience.
But as I ponder if it’s good to reveal what I earned, it’s better to keep it hidden, without them knowing that it exists. This happened without them, it will continue to exist without them.
The important thing is, I know who was there from the very start. From the moment I started to take care of the seed until it flourished. It grew bigger, taller, and better each day.
I was and still am grateful for the people who continue to boost my self-esteem to make the foundation of my fig tree firmer.
To the ones who helped to convince me that it’s okay to loosen and let go of the hands that hold a lack of acceptance, I wish to meet you one day.
To the one who inspired me to start, it was an act of being impulsive but we are thriving. My fig tree knows you’re one of its roots. Just like what you often say to me, I am proud of you as well.
To the one who shares her shine, thank you for being an includer. I woke up one morning to gloomy weather outside but it just took one unexpected yet sweet move to radiate a bright mood on my face.
Thank you is an understatement.
It’s over ten thousand of us now but I will always pick the biggest fig to make space for us to fit in.
I hold a fig tree I can call mine. I have my fig tree with you in it.
i hope this piece reaches you. happy k (x10)!
